we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
