I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just had sex on a roof
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
