i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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