I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
