high people should be assigned attendants
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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