im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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