i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
