Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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