the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
