I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Someone shit on the floor
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
