I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
