Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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