weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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