was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
