How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
