his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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