he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
