dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
