My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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