I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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