How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
