Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
