Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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