I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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