No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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