Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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