i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
