Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
