mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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