His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
