life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
