I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
