I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Your penis caused this!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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