too bad you live with your parents still
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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