Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
