I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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