why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
