Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
