On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
