you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
