Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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