so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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