Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
