I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
