she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
