Sry I called you an 8
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
