Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm getting married
To pizza
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize