tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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