don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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