did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
