take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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