Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
