the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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