The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
