i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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