She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
