3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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