maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
