She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
