I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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