The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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